Ray Hudson: Announcing Genius

I have several guilty pleasures. One dealing with spandex, baby oil, a four-squared circle, and lots of muscles (I'll let your imagination fly...).

One, of course, is soccer. Another, which occurs in watching soccer and the first guilty pleasure, is sports announcing. There is a certain announcer who always speaks during the La Liga games; especially Real Madrid and Barcelona. His name is Ray Hudson.

Maybe it is because he is Irish; maybe he has a LOT of time on his hands to come up with certain sayings. But whenever he opens his mouth, he is always very imaginative.

Here are a few saying from Ray, during two Barcelona games (my fav's are bold):

Dracula going after a plate of liver (someone attacking the ball)

He could follow you into a revolving door, and still come out first (of Messi, running quickly)

bamboozled

superlative (shortened version: super)

gargantuan

rollie-polly

hodgy-podgy

poppy-cock

He gets up on his galloping horse and cuts you apart

intestinal fortitude

Turns the clock back like Superman

Lady luck twinkling in their Spanish Eyes

Portuguese Peach (reference to Ronaldo)

Captain gets caught with his knickers down a bit (captain of the team makes a mistake)

Committing hairy-kairy

Spitting verbals like Mussolini in the balcony

spank

Synchronized and super slick

Fabulous fly's eyes vision

His little lollipop

Ticky-tack-ah

Tombstones in their eyes

Send one to the hospital, send others to the morgue

Lumps the size of broccoli on the backs of his calve (ref. to amount of tackles Messi receives)

Put on a torture rack and he will smile at you (ref. to after Messi is tackled, he gets right back up)

Cerebral dictator

Virtuoso football

In absolute 7th heaven

contentious

audacious

Keep possession time on a sundial (ref. to Barcelona's play tactic of holding the ball)

When they touch the ball, its like a thousand of tiny knats swarming (R.Madrid incapability of keeping the ball against Barcelona)

Meliange of Magic

As nasty as a rat bite (a rough tackle)

You can only imagine a list Ray goes through, each game! I will update whenever I can of the amazing adjectives he uses during the La Liga games I watch. You never know, one day you may use one!

My Reasons for Watching the European Soccer Leagues

As anyone can account when receiving a "tweet" from my twitter account, I have began watching the English Premiere and La Liga soccer leagues as of late.

When the World Cup ended, my mother and I discussed ordering the extra soccer channels on our satellite distributor. Every morning from June 10th to July 11th, my mother and I would get up around 4:30am to watch nearly every game in the South Africa World Cup. When the Cup ended, we suddenly had nothing exciting to watch. Thus began the interest in the English leagues, with the soccer giants Manchester United, Chelsea FC, Liverpool, etc...

Once the season took off, I was hooked. These games are exciting and fun to watch. But, in my opinion, nothing beats watching the La Liga club, FC Barcelona.

In La Liga, the Premiere league in Spain, there are two teams who either come in first or second: FC Barcelona or Real Madrid.

Real Madrid is a team built with money. Their new coach, Jose Mourinho, has already won two UEFA Championships (basically who is the best team on the European continent) with Inter Milan and Chelsea; he has an absolute arrogance to him. Mesut Ozil, seen in the German team for the World Cup; he is young but an amazing player.

Then, of course, Cristiano Ronaldo. He is sexy, is being paid 80 million to play, and I would not mind seeing his face every morning.

Also, he is a complete man-whore, who after the World Cup, announced he was a father from a one-night-stand (not judging or anything). He can also kick the ball around pretty well.

(Picture Left: Ronaldo in his latest Armani add. This was the safest picture I could find...and yes, I feel just a little dirty. But only a little bit!)

Real Madrid is an amazing team, built with some of the best players around. But I feel that FC Barcelona is the best team.

The team has been home-grown; most players begin in their training camps, then are moved to the no.1 team. Passing is one of their strongest points; where most teams connect maybe an average of 200 passes, Barcelona reach as high as 600 completed passes; per game. They pass you to death. Not only the passing, but the constant patience. Long balls are very rare; short, triangular passes up to the goal line are their signature.

It helps they have Lionel Messi.

Lionel Messi (his first name is not pronounced like Lionel Richie; but I really can't help myself) is a joy to watch; he just playas around everyone. You can tell he has fun playing soccer. And all I can think is that, with that hair cut, he looks like a video game nerd. But cute and adorable enough that it would not matter.

(Picture Left: Messi; how does he look at all threatening? Hard to imagine he is, at this moment, one of the best soccer players in the world)

Carles Puyol (no idea how to pronounce his first name) is Barcelona's captain and a central defender. If you watched the final game at the World Cup, you may recognize his hair; it's long and curly; I read that when he retires he will cut it.

We can only hope.

(Picture Right: Puyol; his nick-name on the team is Tarzan. Can't imagine why...)

Midfielders such as Xavi (pronounced cha-v-e) and Iniesta control their areas, feeding balls to Messi to score (already Messi has over 25 goals and the season is only halfway).

Newcomers like Bojan (pronounced bouillon), who in the Under 21 league for Barcelona had over 1000

goals (according to the announcers), Barcelona can only get better.

So, why have I written this. Mostly it is for my friends who constantly have "tweets" to their phones about these European teams. In almost an apology to them, I am sorry you all have to experience certain games with me (I really could not help myself when FC Barcelona vs Real Madrid occurred). Because if we ever get together, up until April when the European teams end their seasons, you will be hearing all about it.